In case you haven't heard, the Sharper Image has filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy. Their court battles over the Iconic Breeze air purifiers, 3 years of declining shares and people not wanting to buy their goods has finally forced their hand.
This makes my feet sad.
What will I do when the battery on my laptop goes dead and I've finished reading the crap I brought with me on a long flight? Are you telling me I can no longer long for a his and her foot massager or warm foot bath?
Will I never again be able to sit and ponder if I really need a globe that projects the time on the ceiling? Will I never again ponder the thought "what will they think of next?" as I marvel at all the ingenious ways one can carry a flashlight around or vacuum the top of ones curtains that were always out of reach until the amazing reacher upper? Which also looks great for the hard to reach spider webs.
Hours have passed by like minutes from pondering the savings on a duty free purchase of a combination Martini Mixer Backgammon set. What, what will the bored wayward traveler do?
OH, oh wait! It just hit me. The Sharper Image just might disappear from Malls all across the land. This means no more marveling at VW Beetles that also plays CD's. No more sitting in a massage chair after some sweaty team jersey wearing husband has just lived out his fantasy...in the freakin mall.
And what just may be worst of all is the most important. No more last minute Christmas shopping. Sharper Image is always good for an Alarm clock that's cheap but looks like it came from the set of Minority Report. Now where will we get a pocket Alarm Clock that is also a flashlight for when I need to wake up in a dark alley? Will we all be relegated to the dare I say it,.... The Discovery Store?
Shoppers oh how you disappoint. If only you had filled each room of your homes with purifying Iconic Breezes or cheese cutting utilities with the all too important electric gyrating grater. Maybe if you purchased just one more pillow that plays music when you lay your head on it, all of this would have been adverted. Shame, shame on you under indulgent non-impulsive purchasers of pedantically peddled partially progressive paraphernalia for later storage in a duct taped box in your garage.
You have all broken the basic tenement of the American way, buy more crap. Now look, the sharpest of all images has grown fuzzy and is in real danger of fading away. And we travelers who dream of duty free boxes to stick our feet in and sooth away the daily strife will pay the price.
Shame on you, shame, shame, shame.