Morning Paper

Oil hits $109 a barrel and is nearing $110!!

Well the title pretty much says it all! The only positive thing I can think of is that carjackings are down in Los Angeles, San Francisco, Chicago, and New York. What the hell are you gonna do after you steal the car if it barely has any gas in it? You will be lucky to make it to the chop shop. Also, 86 the whole idea of joyriding, you would end up somewhere far from home with no way to get back, so I guess it's no so bad. But it will be interesting to see the highways filled with bikes as cars are quickly becoming obsolete. My suggestion for an alternative fuel source would be a vehicle that runs on paper, specifically past due or those "we're about to cancel your service" notices, I would never run out of fuel! Can I get a witness?!! Read

Billy Crystal is the Jack Nicholson of the N.Y. Yankees!!

Who said the "Make A Wish Foundation" couldn't work for senior citizens? With his 60th birthday quickly approaching, my New York Yankees have awarded a one-day contract to a home game regular and pretty nice guy, Billy Crystal. Crystal, who is known more for his acting/directing is an avid/rabid Yankees fan, not to mention he directed and produced "61" the movie about Roger Maris. He will wear number sixty, work out with the team, and have to channel his high school baseball experience as he will face the Pittsburgh Pirates in an TBD role. All I can say is, "you lucky bastard!" I am eagerly awaiting my call from the N.Y. Giants, they had better hurry up because although I am maintaining my sexy quite impeccably, my ass is getting a tad bit old. But with my luck, they would put me on kickoff return, a plot orchestrated by my wife no doubt to get the insurance money, oh well. Swing for the fences Billy and don't throw out your back! Read

Gov. Eliot Spitzer is throwing stones at glass houses!!

In Albany, N.Y., Gov. Eliot Spitzer has been implicated in a federal wiretap involving high priced prostitutes, "oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive!" The Governor held a press conference and had the following to say: "I have acted in a way that violates my obligation to my family and violates my or any sense of right from wrong, I apologize first and most importantly to my family. I apologize to the public to whom I promised better. I have disappointed and failed to live up to the standard I expected of myself. I must now dedicate some time to regain the trust of my family." Blah blah blah, I didn't think about my wife or kids as I dropped a cool 3-5k for some exclusive coochie...cry me a river you ass! Should he retire? Under these conditions, yes, because even if he was effective as a Gov. part of his duty is also based around being of exemplary character, and he has failed miserably in that vein. So boys and girls the moral of today's story is that it doesn't matter if you are a Republican, Democrat, Independent, or Green Party, what is done in the dark, eventually finds it way to the light, and mea culpa's and watery eyes aren't worth a Confederate dollar! Read

Another painful example of totally immature and unprepared parents!!

In Indianapolis, IN Todd Spears and Simone Hamilton, both 19 year-old parents of their 7 week-old son, Jaden. These two parents got into some sort of disagreement, which is unknown at this time, but a "tug of war" ensued resulting in multiple fractures to his legs, feet, ribs, and an arm. This littlest of victims, had to be put in multiple casts, are you friggin kidding me? I wish this whole thing was misreported! The father had become frustrated with the baby on different occasions as he admitted to squeezing and shaking Jaden and the mother had also been found guilty of neglecting the baby as well. I am always surprised that more teens and young adults don't use condoms or some method of birth control as very few of them have the maturity or mental capacity to care for a child. It just seems to me that if you are really young and promiscuous, like many of us may have been, wouldn't you take any precaution you had to to "keep the party going." Understand, I encourage young people to be abstain as long as possible and not to have sex with anyone that they couldn't see as a parent to their child, if they got pregnant. But, I still have to be realistic as to the world we live in, where most kids are sexually active at a much younger age and education in school and in the home is so important. My heart goes out to this brutalized little boy and I say that these parents should be prosecuted but also given the tools to win/succeed at parenting, just sending them to jail for 20/40 years isn't going to solve anything. But I do understand the position the District Attorney must take. Read

Small questionable blast occurs in NYC!!

In New York City, N.Y., a small blast outside of a military recruiting center in Times Square at approximately 3:45m EST, is presently being investigated by FBI N.Y. Joint Terrorism Task Force. Details are slowly filtering in and we will update as they become available. Read

Gary Gygax of Dungeons and Dragons fame passes!!

Gary Gygax, the co-founder of Dungeons and Dragons passed away at his home in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin at the age of 69 this morning. He had been ailing from health issues for several years, but to his six children and millions of fans, his legacy of love and creativity has touched and transformed their lives. Gygax and his partner, Dave Arneson developed the game in 1974 and even up to this past January, he would still host weekly games at his home. I remember playind D&D in the eighties, and watching the cartoon, our condolences to his family, friends, and countless fans. Read

Being an Organ Donor is a final act of generosity...but is everyone playing fair?!!

In San Luis Obispo, Ca It has been alleged that Ruben Navarro, a young man who suffered from a nerve disease from the age of nine to twenty-five, was euthanized by Dr.Hootan Roozrokh, a California transplant doctor to harvest his organs. According to Dr.Lubarsky, a critical care specialist, Dr. Roozrokh ordered morphine and/or Ativan prior to Dr.Lubarsky taking Reuben off of life support and pronouncing him dead. However, one important part of this potential felony case is that Navarro didn't eventually expire until eight hours later, so if Dr.Roozrokh really wanted the organs, why wait until he couldn't use them? But the fact still remains that as a transplant surgeon, Dr.Roozrokh is not supposed to be in the room until the death was formally declared. This is an unfortunate situation that doesn't have a simple explanation. Read

Small Texas town, grieving over murder of family by sixteen year-old daughter!!

Before I start this post I will make what doesn't not seem like an assumption to me, the overwhelming majority of MorningPaper readers are highly intelligent, well-spoken, and mature adults. Granted, we may have differing opinions on a variety of topics/posts but that is not only to be expected, but it is encouraged. However, is it me or does it just seem as though today's youth are a lot more violent than when we were growing up? Of course no child/pre-teen/teenager wants to be told no by their parents, but thats never a reason to lose your mind and start killing. What ever happend to "Honor thy mother and thy father" or am I just really too old fashioned and out of touch? In Alba, Texas, a town of 430 people, a sixteen year-old that was forbidden to date an older boy, has been arrested for the murder of her mother and two brothers and the attempted murder of her father. The sixteen year-old shot and stabbed her mother and two brothers before torching the home with three other accomplices; her father who shot in the head, crawled 300 yards to a neighbors house. Her father, who is in critical condition, identified one of the three accomplices. Read

Another tale of a stupid robber!!

In Des Moine, Iowa a former President Bush cabinent member robbed a local Git and Go store. This young man at one point took off his hat and jacket and left with an astounding $115, but not with the hat or jacket nor with the W-2 that was in his jacket. Oh my goodness! Duh, I'm gonna be prezidnet, I'm enjumarated, and I wadn't lefted behind! The cops no doubt laughed their asses off at the 25 year-old Presidential hopeful. This guy is on probation for theft and has a suspended license as the clerk confirmed his identity; the police are presently looking for him, but haven't released his name. Some people just aren't cut out for robbery. Read

Man regains his sight from the ol' tooth in the eye trick!!

In a suburb on Dublin, Ireland, County Mayo, 57 year-old Bob McNichol lost his eyesight in a freak accident at a recycling business in Nov. 05'. Frustrated at the news that his fellow countrymen were unable to help him, a procedure callled OOKP, Osteo-odonto-keratoprothesis by Dr. Christopher Liu changed his life. The procedure was performed at the Sussex Eye Hospital in Brighton, England, as it was pioneered in Italy in the 60's. It involves creating a support for an artificial cornea from the patient's own tooth and the surrounding bone. Thankfully Bob's son Robert was able to donate his tooth and root, and now his sight has been somewhat restored. It is a blessing and absolutely amazing that someone actually came up with this! Read