Morning Paper

Chrysler Goes On Vacation For Two Weeks. WHAT?

  Chrysler sent out an email to all of it's employees telling them to take a mandatory two-week vacation in July.

It's not uncommon for car plants to shutdown in July, but this has the scent of a little bit more.  This shut down is world wide and corporate strong.

There are no reasoned explanation as to why the company is giving even its salaried employees vacation time this year other than a statement from spokeswoman Mary Beth Hellprin confirming and Chrysler adding that this will help with productivity and efficiency.

Since when does a complete shutdown help with productivity and efficiency?  Could this be considered a "oxy-moron?

One thing is for certain, those line employees already battling with a disintegrating economy, will two extra weeks to figure out how to make those checks go a bit further.  And the corporate folks will have time to figure out how to turn those sagging sales around.  Maybe that's why Chrysler is doing this?  A mandatory time for reflection, getting folks out of the box so they can think outside of the box.   

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Woman sat on toilet for 2 years. That's One Helluva Dump

  This one comes from that planet called Bizzaro world.  For some reason that no one has been able to figure out, a woman sat on her boyfriends toilet for two years.  The woman sat there for so long that her skin grew around the toilet seat.   Just imagine that for a moment.

The boyfriend finally had enough, or couldn't hold it any longer and called the cops. 

Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said it appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman's skin had grown around the seat. She initially refused emergency medical services but was finally convinced by responders and her boyfriend that she needed to be checked out at a hospital.

"We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital," Whipple said. "The hospital removed it."

They are trying to determine if they should file charges against the couple.  My question, for what?  Loitering?  Excessive pooping?  This could be one of those places where archaic laws are still on the books. 

But how does one sit on the toilet for two years?  The boyfriend brought her food and water, but why did it take him two years to figure his girlfriend was sitting on his toilet for two years.   Two hours is way the hell over doing it.   Two days and we've got a big problem.  Two months and I'm an idiot.  But two years, two years my girlfriends in the house sitting on the toilet with her skin growing around the seat? 

I can't wait to hear the explanation and what the charges could actually be.

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Photos are not of the toilet in question.

There is an UPDATE to this story HERE

Chinese Man Burnt Alive By Wife. He Didn't Wash His Feet

  Yikes, some countries really have hang ups when it comes to feet.  Anyone remember the Thai King that wanted to sue and Jail the Google folks for displaying a photo of him next to a picture of feet? 

This one has that beat by a mile with shoes you REALLY don't want to walk a mile in.

A newly wed couple found out quickly that marriage isn't all foot fancy free when after several raucous arguments, the couple decided to get drunk and chill. 

The wife got tired and went to bed.  Seems the husband must have gone outside and muddied up his feet.  When the man got in the bed, his wife saw him do so with dirty feet.  Apparently in small provinces of China, that's taking things way too far. 

The woman who married the man for better or worse couldn't think better of the worst thing she'd ever seen.  A man getting in bed with dirty feet.  The woman promptly got out of bed and set it on fire.  With him in it.

The woman was arrested.  Men, the moral of this story, wash your feet before you say your prayers and get in bed with that woman who married you.

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Fortune Magazines Names AT&T #34 In Most Admired

  What the .... Who in the hell admires AT&T and why?  Because they rake in a ton of dough?  So do most third world leaders, big deal.

Well whatever the case, Fortune Magazine has included the prison that locked up the iPhone in its "most admired companies" list.

AT&T joins a list of notables like including Apple, General Electric, UPS, Johnson & Johnson, and Microsoft.   Morning Paper clocked in at #44, but we asked that our name be removed because we wanted to maintain our street cred.  HA!

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Use of a laptop computer will reduce a man's sperm count?

Apparently a 2004 study from the State University of New York at Stony Brook involving 29 men (ranging in age from 21 to 35 years old) found that fellows who used laptop computers rested on their laps for an hour raised their scrotal temperatures by as much as 5°F. Since other studies have demonstrated links between temperature increases and significant reductions in sperm production, the study concluded long-term use of laptops by teenage boys and men could be reproductively damaging. (According to the latter study, after a mere 20 minutes of laptop use the subjects experienced increases in scrotal temperatures sufficiently high to negatively affect the creation of sperm.)

The potential problems for men related to laptop use was deemed to be due not only to the heat generated by the machines, but also to the sitting positions employed by the users. "As well as being capable of producing direct local heat, [laptops] require the user to sit with his thighs close together to balance the machine, trapping the scrotum," explained Yefim Sheynkin, the researcher who led the study.

Souce: Snopes.com

"ACHIEVEMENT WHORES" ARE THE FUTURE!

http://view.break.com/453038 - Watch more free videos Not sure what the purpose of this video is, if there even is one, but it's pretty damn clever and funny!

A new breed of whores have claimed the streets, but they're not selling their bodies for sex. No, they're selling their knowledge. They call themselves, ACHIEVEMENT WHORES! Coming to a street corner near you!

Order Starbucks Coffee From Your iPhone?

What if, with a program called "QuickOrder" through a deal between Starbucks and Apple, you could order your coffee just the way you want it moments before you show up to your favorite local Starbucks?

If you could get this program, download it to your iPhone and fire it up, would you? If you answered yes, then I hate you!

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Snuggles The Security bear Explains Warrentless Wiretapping

I caught this over at Boing Boing and laughed my butt off. No better way to learn, understand and totally fall lock step with the government than with a soft cuddly wuddly security bear.

Watch the animation here.

Mitt Romney To Endorse John McCain

People from the Mitt Romney camp, the android who dropped out of the GOP primary and arch enemy of John McCain, will announce today that he will endorse the Senator from Arizona.

The old saying "Politics makes strange bedfellows" has never been more true, these two hate each other. If Romney can give McCain his 282 delegates, that's it game over for Huckabee (even though he can't win anyway). Some are speculating that this is the reason for this move by the Romney camp, shoring up his chances for a 2012 bid.

Time For A LITTLE Bodybuilding. Worlds Smallest Bodybuilder

There is a whole story line, uplifting triumph of the human spirit, disbelief and a lot of personal searching for tell tale Photoshop evidence involved with this piece.

19 year-old Romeo is the worlds smallest Bodybuilder measuring at 2'9". "I've been training as a bodybuilder for the last two years and by now I think I must be the strongest dwarf in the world. My size has never stopped me. I train with dumbbells and do aerobics and dance. People are always pleased to see me – I have been invited on TV shows and dance on stage."

This will really bring this story home for you. Get a ruler and measure out 2 foot 9 inches. Now picture a 2'9" cross between Spike Lee (without glasses) and M. Night Shyamalan buff with shapely legs on stage dancing to "Body" by the Village People.

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